My Little Boy

He is beautiful and sweet and funny. He is also stubborn and strong willed and hard headed. He has personality to burn and is totally fearless. He is 10 months old and it breaks my heart to think about it. He is so big...soon he will be a whole year old. How did this happen? I feel like I have missed so much. I work full time and I am going to school to earn my bachelors degree. He spends so much time with other people, and I know that I spoil him so much becuase of the amount of time that I don't get to spend with him. I feel like I should be making up for not being with him all the time. I know that seems ridiculous to some people. I grew up after the feminist movement, and have always seen working women. I have always admired these women, looked up to them and wanted to be like them. I have also always wanted children. I never thought that doing both was out of the ordinary, after all my mom did it. I never thought that it was that hard, or that I would feel such unbelieveable sadness when I see my little boy seem so attached to my mother-in-law, becuase he stays with her three days a week while I work. I feel so sad, like somehow I am failing as a mother by not being there every minute of every day. But I know that I would feel unfulfilled if I didn't work. I have to work, becuase I have always found that to be important. I need to feel that I am contributing financially and not relying solely on my husband. So what is the right answer? How do I reconcile my need to work with my need to be with my boy. I don't think that there is an answer really...but I wish there were.