I am so frustrated!! Why am I still stuck with a husband I don't want, a house that I can't afford, and anger and hurt that I can't get rid of? I didn't do everything right...not even close, cause hey nobody's perfect...but I really tried to do to the right thing.

I tried to commit and be the best wife I knew how to be. And obviously I fell short in my own estimation, but definitely in J's estimation. I wanted to make him happy and be there for him and with him forever. But I couldn't do that in the face of the circumstances I found myself in.

Since I left I have tried to not sling mud, or be a jerk or use DS as a pawn or punish J. I have tried to keep this from being ugly and J just keeps pushing. He just keeps pushing and being a big fat jerk!! And it just isn't in me to keep holding back the anger and fear. The rage of what he did, how he hurt me, the lies he told. It just won't stop. I can't stop thinking about it.

And he gets to move on, get his "own place". When he robbed me of my place for all these months. He locked me out, ruined my home for me emotionally, and now it will be foreclosed on and I will lose my home because he refused to pay his part of the mortgage. I payed enough to keep him in the house until he could make the decision to "get his own place", I provided electricity and water so he could keep living there and it put me in a bind and I couldn't get my own place...but HE CAN???

How fair is this? Once again I get screwed becuase I did what was right and he took advantage!